Mourning in AmericaPosted on Dec 4, 2014 in Blog
I watched the video footage of Eric Garner’s arrest and death last night after I heard the verdict, which shocked me. And now I can’t get those images and the feelings they generate out of my mind and heart.
I find myself thinking back to when Obama gave his acceptance speech in Chicago in 2008 and how those of us who had supported him and worked for the campaign felt that we were witnessing history, that this election was a pivotal event we’d collectively created together. I remember how that night felt suffused with a sense of joy mingled with disbelief. I remember seeing two women in the crowd at the rally at Grant Park hugging and spontaneously falling onto their knees together, laughing and crying, overcome with emotion. They were African American and I’m White but I felt their feelings were my feelings, and that we were both part of a bigger wave that was carrying this country up and out of our history of racial tragedy toward something brighter.
Now it’s six years later and I’ve never felt so dispirited about the state of American society. I read comments about Eric Garner and Michael Brown on social media and am unspeakably dismayed to see endless strings of excuses about why they deserved to be choked or shot by police, as if reasonable people should easily see that this is all perfectly acceptable, not out of line at all. I can’t find the words to adequately express how I feel about this; everything sounds trite.
I want to change those beliefs, but I don’t know how. I think that denouncing people as racists only fuels more reactivity and hate. I believe that education can change hearts and minds, but it takes a long time and supportive circumstances. And that’s very hard to come by today.
I thought through this territory years ago back when I was in grad school and came to the conclusion that until a critical mass of Americans understands that our problems of race and class inequality are and always have been intertwined, and takes action to address both at the same time, we’ll never be able to unwind the patterns that fuel those divisions. Racist beliefs have historically been bound up with the larger gulf between wealth/power/status and impoverishment/disempowerment/marginalization, and that remains true today. But these class dynamics are legitimated and hidden from view, while the racial ones are amped up and distorted.
Seeing this pattern doesn’t give me the answers I want about how to change them. When I was younger, I’d assumed that it would, but it didn’t. I’m still looking.
I so appreciate the people who are out in the streets protesting while keeping it peaceful because they’re showing me that it’s still possible to transform rage and grief into hope and determination. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting here at my computer, feeling lost and depleted and sad. But sometimes we need to take some time for grieving. And so for the moment, I’m OK with that.
But I can’t imagine how enraged and scared for my children I’d be right now if I were Black. My oldest son is 16, and I’m well aware that in the past few years, I’ve felt a sense of worry when he goes around the city with his Black friends that I don’t feel otherwise. There’s no question in my mind that he’s much more likely to get in a confrontation with the police when he’s with them. One, the son of two doctors, was already stopped by the police while driving in Lincoln Park, one of the whiter and wealthier neighborhoods in the city. In that case, nothing bad happened, but it’s still sobering and scary. I could give numerous anecdotes like this.
Looked at from the more positive side, though, I see connections between kids today that bridge racial divides much more openly and authentically than I ever experienced back when I was that age. It may not be the norm, but it is happening. And it gives me some hope.
And I start to think that maybe that the wave of positive feeling I experienced back in 2008 wasn’t a mirage, as it often now seems. I do believe that there are a lot of us – Black, White, Asian, Latino, whatever – that want to create a more just society. I don’t know how that’s going to happen, and am not sure it ever will. But when I remember how much good will there still is out there, it gives me heart. Which I realize seems woefully inadequate. But I’m still hoping that it will somehow lead to something more.
And that’s all I’ve got at the moment.
Note: Most people reading this are probably be too young to remember the 1980 election and Reagan’s “Morning in America” themed campaign. But I remember it well and trace many of our current problems back to the negative political choices made during that time. My title for this post is in part a reference to that.